OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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