I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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