I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize