when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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