I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize