just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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