I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize