hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
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Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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