i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
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