Are we in a gay sports bar?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My ass is underappreciated
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