P.S. I can't hear my feet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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