Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
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not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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