Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Still dying that you shit outside
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize