So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize