I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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