I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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