Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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