Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize