Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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