I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize