I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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