my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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