when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she peed on how many people?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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