I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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