I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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