May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize