i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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