I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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