My room smells like vodka and shame
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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