how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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