She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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