She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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