can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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