i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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