cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize