I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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