Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize