dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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