every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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