Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize