I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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