dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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