Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I looked at my own cervix.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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