I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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