Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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