Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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