i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
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He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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