Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize