I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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