One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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